"No Such Thing as Natural Beauty"

Several years ago, a woman in a position of authority over me called me in to talk to me about how she thought my appearance was representing our organization. (I prefer not to be more specific because my goal is not to shame or discredit her personally.) Now, I wasn't in violation of the dress code. (Dress codes are a completely different conversation, but the short version is that I have no problem with them existing as long as the rules they set are reasonable and treat women/girls and men/boys equally.) No. She didn't feel that I looked good enough because I didn't wear make-up. She actually said to my face, "There is no such thing as natural beauty."

I will be fair enough to her to say that I know it wasn't her intention to be hurtful. She really thought she was being helpful. She believed I would never make as good of an impression as I could if I didn't look more "put-together." And maybe she was even trying to tell me that beauty was attainable, not something that you just have or don't. But do you know what I heard at the time? "Your face isn't good enough the way it is."

I don't fault the woman who said it to me as much as I do a society that taught her and millions of other women that their faces aren't acceptable for public viewing as they are. But is that really what our faces are for? Just being seen? Surely my face is for showing my feelings, seeing the world around me with the eyes on that face, talking, eating, and kissing my husband with the mouth on it.

I don't have anything against make-up itself. If you enjoy doing make-up, awesome! If you have the skills to transform faces with make-up, I am genuinely in awe of you! I wish I had your skills because it would certainly improve a lot of my costumes. You see, I have multiple reasons for not wearing make-up, and one of them is just that I'm not very good at it. If I do my own make-up, it's not really an improvement, and I don't see anyone lining up to be my personal make-up artist every day. So if you are good at doing make-up, I am impressed by your skill, and if you wear it because you enjoy the artistry, I think that's great.

But if you have ever apologized for how you looked to someone who showed up at your house unannounced, then I would ask why you owe them an apology for that. You do not owe it to anyone--including a spouse or significant other--to look a certain way. Every time I see my friends post about feeling cute or more confident in themselves, but the picture they post has a filter on it that alters their looks, I wish I could see their actual beautiful faces and not the distorted images.

Diet and exercise regimens can be just as bad if the focus is on how you look. Do you like the beach? Then take your body to the beach. There! You have a beach body! If you are more comfortable being there in some form of regular clothes, then wear that, but if you want to wear a bathing suit, you have every right to wear one! If you are getting married, doesn't your fiance love you for who you are? If not, RUN! But if the really do, they are going to think you look perfect on the big day without you trying to change yourself. Take care of yourself and try to be healthy, but do it because you love yourself, not because you think it will make you more desirable to someone else.

I'm not here to crusade against make-up or eating healthy and working out. Just make sure that your decisions about all of that are for you, not for anyone else. You don't owe it to anyone to wear make-up (or dress a certain way) to be prettier, but you also don't have to prove anything by not wearing make-up. Same with those photo filters I mentioned. If you think they're fun, use them, but don't hide behind them. I promise you that people want to see the real you too.

And don't exercise to punish your body for the pounds you wish weren't there or the food you think you shouldn't have eaten. I think exercise is a good idea, but if you are going to do it, do it because it gives you greater strength or more energy or because the endorphins make you feel good, and do what works for you. I'm not a fan of going to your typical gym, and I hate cycling and running. But I like yoga (which I do following a video at home because I can't afford a class) and dancing, kayaking and rock climbing. I'm not particularly great at any of those things, but I enjoy them, so they are how I keep myself moving. I also love walking in the woods, and I happen to live in east Tennessee, so that's convenient. Maybe you love swimming or martial arts. I have friends who joined roller derby teams. Or maybe you do like gyms and running and cycling.

The point here is this: make the right decisions for you, not what you feel pressured to do. Let that light of yours shine, and as always, go out and sow some goodness!

Me kayaking on an unseasonably warm day in November #nomakeupnofilter ;) I'm squinting awkwardly because that's what Blairs do when we are outdoors without sunglasses.

Now as penance for not posting last week (I had this mostly written, I just didn't manage to get it posted), you get a picture of my dog looking stoned after some sedation a while back.