"No Such Thing as Natural Beauty"

Several years ago, a woman in a position of authority over me called me in to talk to me about how she thought my appearance was representing our organization. (I prefer not to be more specific because my goal is not to shame or discredit her personally.) Now, I wasn't in violation of the dress code. (Dress codes are a completely different conversation, but the short version is that I have no problem with them existing as long as the rules they set are reasonable and treat women/girls and men/boys equally.) No. She didn't feel that I looked good enough because I didn't wear make-up. She actually said to my face, "There is no such thing as natural beauty."

I will be fair enough to her to say that I know it wasn't her intention to be hurtful. She really thought she was being helpful. She believed I would never make as good of an impression as I could if I didn't look more "put-together." And maybe she was even trying to tell me that beauty was attainable, not something that you just have or don't. But do you know what I heard at the time? "Your face isn't good enough the way it is."

I don't fault the woman who said it to me as much as I do a society that taught her and millions of other women that their faces aren't acceptable for public viewing as they are. But is that really what our faces are for? Just being seen? Surely my face is for showing my feelings, seeing the world around me with the eyes on that face, talking, eating, and kissing my husband with the mouth on it.

I don't have anything against make-up itself. If you enjoy doing make-up, awesome! If you have the skills to transform faces with make-up, I am genuinely in awe of you! I wish I had your skills because it would certainly improve a lot of my costumes. You see, I have multiple reasons for not wearing make-up, and one of them is just that I'm not very good at it. If I do my own make-up, it's not really an improvement, and I don't see anyone lining up to be my personal make-up artist every day. So if you are good at doing make-up, I am impressed by your skill, and if you wear it because you enjoy the artistry, I think that's great.

But if you have ever apologized for how you looked to someone who showed up at your house unannounced, then I would ask why you owe them an apology for that. You do not owe it to anyone--including a spouse or significant other--to look a certain way. Every time I see my friends post about feeling cute or more confident in themselves, but the picture they post has a filter on it that alters their looks, I wish I could see their actual beautiful faces and not the distorted images.

Diet and exercise regimens can be just as bad if the focus is on how you look. Do you like the beach? Then take your body to the beach. There! You have a beach body! If you are more comfortable being there in some form of regular clothes, then wear that, but if you want to wear a bathing suit, you have every right to wear one! If you are getting married, doesn't your fiance love you for who you are? If not, RUN! But if the really do, they are going to think you look perfect on the big day without you trying to change yourself. Take care of yourself and try to be healthy, but do it because you love yourself, not because you think it will make you more desirable to someone else.

I'm not here to crusade against make-up or eating healthy and working out. Just make sure that your decisions about all of that are for you, not for anyone else. You don't owe it to anyone to wear make-up (or dress a certain way) to be prettier, but you also don't have to prove anything by not wearing make-up. Same with those photo filters I mentioned. If you think they're fun, use them, but don't hide behind them. I promise you that people want to see the real you too.

And don't exercise to punish your body for the pounds you wish weren't there or the food you think you shouldn't have eaten. I think exercise is a good idea, but if you are going to do it, do it because it gives you greater strength or more energy or because the endorphins make you feel good, and do what works for you. I'm not a fan of going to your typical gym, and I hate cycling and running. But I like yoga (which I do following a video at home because I can't afford a class) and dancing, kayaking and rock climbing. I'm not particularly great at any of those things, but I enjoy them, so they are how I keep myself moving. I also love walking in the woods, and I happen to live in east Tennessee, so that's convenient. Maybe you love swimming or martial arts. I have friends who joined roller derby teams. Or maybe you do like gyms and running and cycling.

The point here is this: make the right decisions for you, not what you feel pressured to do. Let that light of yours shine, and as always, go out and sow some goodness!

Me kayaking on an unseasonably warm day in November #nomakeupnofilter ;) I'm squinting awkwardly because that's what Blairs do when we are outdoors without sunglasses.

Now as penance for not posting last week (I had this mostly written, I just didn't manage to get it posted), you get a picture of my dog looking stoned after some sedation a while back.

Clan Blair Kilt

To any of you who are more interested in pictures of things that I sew than my random musings, this post is for you! I spent this past Christmas with my mom, and I was so excited for Christmas morning, but not to see what I would get. I couldn't wait to give my mom her gift!

On a past visit, Mom had given me five yards of our family tartan that my father had purchased before his death. He had wanted something made out of it for him, but that didn't happen (for multiple reasons), so Mom asked me if I could use it. My sister and I suggested that I make something for Mom out of it, and I could tell she liked that idea better. She doesn't like to ask for anything for herself, but she had mainly offered it to me because she wasn't sure what to do with it. My mom is a fantastic seamstress, but I have delved more into historical sewing, and it's difficult to fit something on yourself anyway.

This is the ancient Blair tartan. The modern is basically the same but darker.

I wanted to make a kilt, which is something I hadn't done before, so I needed to do some research. Women do wear kilts, but they tend to be longer than the knee-length ones you usually see on men, which is exactly what my mom would want anyway. Kilts for men or women would traditionally (think centuries ago, not necessarily current traditions) keep the selvage on the bottom edge, so I decided to make it that way initially because adding a hem would be an easy change to make later if Mom wanted me to, but putting the selvage back on would be impossible. (I didn't just ask her preference because I was trying to surprise her.)

I also had to make some decisions about the pleats. One of those decisions was whether to pleat to sett or to stripe. Pleating to sett means you make the plaid pattern continue to repeat correctly across the pleats. Pleating to stripe means that the horizontal lines will line up properly, but most of the more open space will be hidden in the folds, and a single vertical stripe will run down each pleat.

From kiltsandmore.com

From kiltsandmore.com

The other choice I had to make was about the shape of the pleats. I was used to seeing knife pleats on men's kilts, but apparently box pleats are also quite historical.

I don't know the original source of this one.

I wanted to pleat to sett, which can be achieved with either shape of pleat, but it would be easier for me with box pleats. This decision was made purely on personal preference, but I did find out afterward that pleating to stripe was typically for military kilts, historically, and pleating to sett was for civilian kilts, although either is acceptable now. Some people make that choice based on their family tartan because some tartans don't look as good as others when pleated to stripe.

Anyway, simple box pleats take exactly three times as much fabric as the finished distance you want to cover, but the amount of fabric that needed to get pleated into the back of my mom's kilt was definitely greater than three times one half of her waist measurement, so I chose to make three large box pleats, but the center one is a triple box pleat (three box pleats directly on top of each other), and the two side ones were double box pleats.

triple box pleat pinned in place, but not sewn down yet

double box pleat

This isn't even pressed yet, and look how nicely that plaid repeats across the pleats!

Once I had the pleats sewn in place and nicely steamed into sharp creases, I had to make the waistband. I machine stitched the ends of the waistband closed, but I ended up hand sewing it onto the kilt, carefully lining up the vertical lines in the plaid. That process was a little slow, but totally worth it for a clean, finished look.

When packing for my trip to see Mom, I brought hand sewing supplies to do some of the aforementioned work in the car while my husband drove, a large snap to sew on after fitting it to my mother to hold the inside front in place, grommets and grommet setter, buckles, tiny straps I had partly made, but not finished, and of course, the kilt.

Cue Christmas Day. My mom opened her kilt and loved it, but of course it wasn't done. I talked to Mom about the hem situation, and she opted for a real hem instead of the selvage. I also tried it on her and marked the location for the snap, and I noted that the apron (the flat portion in the front) was a little too wide, so I marked that for alteration as well. Over the next couple of days, I rehemmed the outer edge of the kilt (where it opens in the front), hemmed the bottom, sewed on the snap, and finished the tiny straps and attached them--all by hand because I like the finished look of that better.

I had to adjust my initial placement of the lower strap because it was pulling the fabric strangely. I also had to re-iron the hem to give the bottoms of all the pleats the nice creases again. Once I was satisfied with all of that, I helped Mom with the placement of the kilt pin I got to go with it. (The pin is all symbols of Ireland because my mom loves them, but we don't seem to have Irish heritage.)

I love this lady!

I originally wanted to make leather straps, but that would have made the garment difficult to clean, so I opted for fabric.

Kilt pin from usakilts.com And I promse the plaid lines up here when it's just folded, but it hangs differently when worn.

There are kilt pins that have clan badges on them, but I couldn't find one quickly when I was looking (somewhat last minute) before Christmas. But our clan motto is Amo Probos, which translates to "I love good." I love that. So I will be looking for that. Or possibly just trying to make art based on the family motto. We'll see.

As always, go sow some goodness!

P.S. Here are some bonus silly shots of my dogs at Christmas.

These two really love each other.

Compassion for a Hurting World

I'm really late posting for this week, and I have changed my mind about what to write about. This won't be long, but I feel it's important.

I don't believe that being pro-America (or whatever nation you call home) requires being anti any other country. It's just not necessary. Any time you feel tempted to demonize another whole country, imagine regular people living there.

Imagine parents and children. Imagine young adults trying to start their careers. Imagine people with hobbies similar to yours. Imagine people with hobbies you find interesting but have never tried. Imagine artists and architects, doctors, carpenters, and teachers. Remind yourself that that is the reality.

They may eat food very different from yours or speak a different language, and yes, they may have a very different government, but when it comes right down to it, they are people with feelings not so different from yours. They have hopes and dreams, fears and heartache. Remember that, and try to feel compassion instead of mistrust.

Now, go sow some goodness!

Happy New Year!

Sorry I took a week off for Christmas. I was busy spending time with my mom and husband. It was a really good week, and I will share a little bit about that next time.

But for the New Year, I just want to share some of my reflections about my life. I used to run a boarding house for a ballet school. I didn't share a lot about it online for the sake of the students' privacy, but it was a huge part of my life. How could it not be? It was a live-in position, so my job and my personal life were all rolled up together.

For two years, I lived with a group of teenagers who technically weren't my children, but it certainly felt like they were to me. I cooked for them, took them to doctors and orthodontists, rejoiced in their achievements, and hurt for their disappointments. These teens were in professional ballet training, where they worked for 5-7 hours every day on their strength, flexibility, and technique, but they were also working hard on their academic studies, so there was a lot of pressure on them sometimes, and I did my best to help them through that.

Leaving earlier this year was extremely bittersweet. There were a lot of good reasons why I needed to move on to the next phase of my life, but leaving my kids was so hard. I still love them as if they were my own, but I don't hear from them as if they were. That's not terribly surprising because they all have families who they love and who love them. It's completely natural that a grown-up who is not a relative isn't the first person they think to talk to, but I miss them, and it can be hard to not be as important to someone as they are to you.

messages from a very sweet girl

from a trip to the lake

tie-dying adventures

from a trip to the beach

I could regret loving them so much or try to stop now, but these kids mean the world to me. I love the beauty they create when they dance.
I love that we started doing art time together to help all of us destress. I love the memories of celebrating their birthdays and decorating for Christmas way too early and trying to make their favorite foods. I love the people that they are and the goals that they are working towards. I'm so proud of them.

This gained a place of honor while I stayed and came with me when I left.

I couldn't help but save this illustrated grocery list.

And love isn't finite.  It doesn't run out when you give it away. Love only grows when you share it. You never really know when the love you give and the things you do will make a difference in someone else's life. Or maybe loving them will change you.

I love these wrappers from my chocolates on New Year's Eve

Now go and sow some goodness!